Notes On: Humor and Sarcasm

Humor! One of the most social habits of humanity, as well as one of the most perplexing, humor exists to help us make light of serious situations. It's also there to help us open up a conversation, or even impress an audience. In short, humor is a quintessentially human concept that serves a very social function. Some aspects of humor, however, tend to confuse and confound more than make others laugh. Sarcasm, for instance, is often a form of humor that confuses others. It can even be used to express dissatisfaction to another person, much different from what many people think of when they think of humor.

The Aspie Insiders met recently to talk about humor, looking specifically at the matter of sarcasm. We covered in depth how to tell when a person is being sarcastic. The bulk of this discussion will appear later on this blog. For today, though, let's consider why people choose to be sarcastic. It's a question that came up during our conversation, and it's important to understand how sarcasm can be used for good... and for bad.

Sarcasm is an interesting form of humor, one that can be immensely funny when used in a proper context. Some people who are said to have a "sarcastic sense of humor" often have great success in making others laugh. With a dry, sometime even biting sense of humor, this seems counter intuitive. The trick, though, is that people around them grow to understand that personality trait, and in doing so grow closer to the person behind the humor. Sarcastic people can be endearing people to know, the ones who boldly say what's on their mind and require some getting used to. This character from Parks and Recreation, a popular television show, fits this description perfectly:

At the same time, sarcasm can be an inhibitor to making others laugh. It's not uncommon for sarcasm to do the opposite and turn others away. After all, there's a fine line between sarcasm and rudeness. Part of this is because sarcasm is also used as a tool -- a signal that someone just isn't happy about something. Sarcasm can convey disapproval in a way that being openly rude cannot. When a person uses sarcasm to express dissatisfaction with something, they accomplish two dangerous things: 1. They communicate their disapproval, and 2. They keep their intentions hidden (unless, of course, the other person is smart enough to figure this out). Since sarcasm employs irony to convey an opposite meaning, understanding what is actually being said is almost presented as a challenge. Fail the challenge, and it makes a person look foolish.

As an example, let's pretend that Bobby (our sarcastic fellow in this situation) does not like the color red. Amy, a friend of Bobby's, gets Bobby a red hat for his birthday. When he opens his gift and sees the hat, he is dissatisfied. Using sarcasm to convey this feeling, Bobby states, "Wow, a red hat. Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Now, Bobby actually does not like this hat, given that it's red. Instead of making his thoughts clearly known, he opts to use sarcasm. In doing so, he leaves his true feelings hidden. Amy may or may not understand that Bobby actually doesn't like the hat, but it's up to her to figure it out. If she cannot detect the sarcasm, then she looks even more foolish. This is the reason sarcasm can be so destructive, for it uses smoke and mirrors to express frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction.

DO YOU USE SARCASM TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD YOU HAVE A "SARCASTIC" SENSE OF HUMOR? IF SO, WHAT HAVE BEEN YOUR SUCCESSES AND PITFALLS WITH USING THIS TYPE OF HUMOR? LEAVE A COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Challenges In The Workplace

The Aspie Insiders met up this week to talk about the challenges they have faced in the workplace. From the issue of stress to the matter of prioritizing, our members had some incredibly introspective things to say about the professional world and offered their own perspectives on it — including many things that most people don't often consider.

During our discussion, it seemed the Insiders focused on only a handful of challenges in the workplace. These will be listed below along with the highlights of our discussion.

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• Stress

Stress can be an extremely debilitating factor that often negates a person's success in the workplace. It is silent, unseen, and affects everyone differently. Therefore, it is often a hard thing to deal with. The Insiders had some answers here, however, sharing their own tips for dealing with anxiety. Some members described their stress as being very physical in nature, and so they deal with it accordingly by using therapy balls or even a small trampoline to bounce on and get rid of that built up energy. Other members shared more conventional methods of managing stress, such as listening to calming music or exercising.

The trend over the past twenty years for most people in the workforce has been a drastic increase in productivity matched with income levels that have roughly stayed the same. As such, many in the workforce feel overworked and stressed out, handling by themselves what two or three people managed in the past. With this in mind, we concluded that stress is something that has to be managed. It should be an important part of any person's life and should be addressed on a daily basis.

• Boredom

Some of our Insiders expressed an interesting challenge they have while on the job — that of boredom. While many jobs present high-stress situations, there are also jobs out there that include lots of down time. To the aforementioned overworked individual, this might seem like a good thing, but as any person who has worked in retail during slow hours will tell you, it can truly be a nightmare.

One of our members prefaced our entire discussion on boredom by stating that he often seeks out things to do when things get slow at the place he works. By doing this, he said, he avoids boredom and shows his supervisor that he values his job and has a healthy work ethic. With the popularity of smartphones, I imagine this as an opportunity often overlooked. An employee cannot complain of boredom if there are still responsibilities to meet.

If, however, you find yourself bored to tears with nothing else to do, there are some things you can do. If it doesn't interrupt your ability to meet customers' needs, listening to music or audiobooks might be the way to go. One member said that he does just this at his job as a document processor. Speaking of customers, interacting with them is a great way to avoid boredom (and it shows a proper work ethic). And finally, you might consider making menial tasks fun in your own way: challenge yourself, get coworkers involved, inject some humor into the task. A little creativity can truly be a boredom killer.

• Multitasking

When this topic came up in discussion, one of our members made a very clear, decisive statement: "Multitasking is a myth." In researching this a bit since our meeting, it seems to be the case. From an article featured on NPR, this statement rings true: "The research is almost unanimous, which is very rare in social science, and it says that people who chronically multitask show an enormous range of deficits. They're basically terrible at all sorts of cognitive tasks, including multitasking."

The article can be found here.

• Prioritizing

If multitasking, then, is essentially a dead end, what are we left with? Basically, the Insiders determined that prioritizing rather than multitasking is the way to go. That, of course, can be a challenge in and of itself. Figuring out what tasks one has to complete is the first step, but then figuring out the order in which to do those things is the next one.

Making lists is always helpful. One member said that he lists out everything he can think of that he has to get done. Purging one's mind of those thoughts instantly reduces anxiety — you have gotten it "out of your system" — and it helps to see those responsibilities laid out. After this, ask yourself what requires immediate attention. You can work your backwards from here, deciding what needs to be done before the day's end, what needs to be caught up on, and what can wait. Essentially, designating a system for this is the way to go — it might take some practice to effectively gauge the order in which tasks should be completed, but this will go a long way in helping you make correct decisions.

BELOW, SHARE YOUR OWN CHALLENGES IN THE WORKPLACE. HOW HAVE YOU DEALT WITH THEM? WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE THOSE WHO ARE RELATIVELY NEW TO THE WORKING WORLD? LET US KNOW!

Simple Tips For Saving Money

With the Aspie Insiders, we often talk about the importance of "Executive Functioning" skills -- that is, such things as planning, strategizing, organizing, attention to detail, and time management. These are critical skills needed to grow up successfully and manage all the fine details of life.

While the idea of managing time is extremely important, we often talk about management of another necessity in life, and that is money. Being in control of money (rather than the other way around) is a challenge for many, especially given the troubling economic environment most have had to get used to within the past few years. With this in mind, check out the following video that offers some simple money-saving tips for any person to follow. While you might not find yourself saving up huge amounts of cash because of this video, it will challenge you to live more frugally.

BELOW, SHARE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW TO SAVE MONEY AND GET BY IN A WORLD THAT CAN BE QUITE CHALLENGING WHEN IT COMES TO FINANCES. ALSO, FEEL FREE TO COMMENT IF YOU'RE ALREADY DOING SOME OF THESE THINGS!

Cooking for the Ronald McDonald House in 2013!

Cooking the pasta

Last year, our Aspie Insiders cooked for the Ronald McDonald House twice, providing meals to people who greatly needed them. Not only did it offer us a great opportunity to help out in the community, it also helped us hone our cooking skills (specifically when cooking for a large number of people).

Recently, one of our members suggested we do another cooking donation, and so we let the idea roll around in our heads for awhile. Then, armed with some ingredients and recipes, we got to cooking! 

There is a subtle trick to cooking for large groups of people, a trick that is equally important for practically cooking of any kind. That trick is time management, a crucial skill for just about anything a person does in life. Being in a relationship requires time management, being a productive employee requires it... in fact, we use time management from the very moment we get out of bed!

When it comes to cooking, managing time is extremely important, as it keeps us from burning dishes (or serving them under-cooked). Equally important, though, is that time management can help us get the food cooked quickly. With our Ronald McDonald House cooking, we served up some chili mac and cheese, green beans, and cookies. In order to do that in enough time, we started right away. Here are some tips for getting food cooked in a reasonable amount of time:

• Use kitchen timers. If you have a timer, use it! If you don't have a timer, get one! While many cooks know exactly how long it will take for certain foods to be prepared, most people don't. Timers help keep a person on track and will provide you with a reminder when food is almost done.
• Separate your ingredients based on what you're cooking. Before you start, you might want to place your ingredients in different piles based on what you're cooking. For the cooking we did, we placed all the ingredients used for making the chili mac and cheese in one place, then placed green bean materials in another, and so on. This helps if you favor organization in the kitchen.
• Choose recipes with fewer ingredients. The green beans we cooked included garlic, onions, red pepper flakes, and a few other ingredients, all of which had to be prepared properly. If you know that more ingredients will slow you down, seek a recipe on the simpler side, at least until you've mastered the basics.
• Find the time to do something. If you could look inside a successful restaurant's kitchen, you would find a cooking team that doesn't stop. While one thing's cooking, they're preparing something else. Finding "pockets" of time like this will help you make better use of your time. If you're cooking and you find yourself standing around without anything to do, you might be using your time poorly!
• Avoid overdoing it! If you're not an expert at using a cutting knife, take it slow. It's better for you to start out with the basics and move forward from there than it is to force yourself and create a mediocre dish, or even hurt yourself!

Our final product: Chili Mac and Cheese

And... Green Beans!

We used large aluminum pans to store and transport our food.  This in itself was a little tricky since the heavy food had a tendency to stretch the pans.  We gave the food ample support by placing everything in cardboard boxes.  When we picked the food up and moved it, we were careful to keep a hand in the center of the bottom of the pan — otherwise, there's a chance the food will burst through.  We placed all of our food in a single car and drove it that day to the Ronald McDonald House for them to use the next day.

Everyone together now!

AS ALWAYS, THE ASPIE INSIDERS WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT ANY RECIPES YOU HAVE! LET US KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

Myths About Introverts

At our last Aspie Insiders get-together, the group discussed the differences between introverts and extroverts. One thing quickly became clear: even though it's nice to categorize human beings in one of these two camps, it's rarely the case that someone is "purely" an introvert or an extrovert. We used an introvert vs. extrovert quiz that helped us generate some discussion (found here), and what we found as we went through each statement is that most of our members were all over the place.

Even the very first statement ("I prefer one-to-one conversations to group activities") was met with some speculation. Some of the more introverted members said that they enjoy group activities so long as they don't have to actively participate all the time — if they could remain the "quiet member," it was even better for their personality than a one-to-one conversation. The rest of the quiz was much like this, with many surprises as our extroverts indicated some introverted tendencies and vice versa.

Social Circles!

Rather than look at the quiz as a failure, we determined that everyone is their own unique person, such that even the most introverted person maintains some extroverted qualities. This became very apparent as the issue of social media came up; many introverts have a richer social presence online than in real life. For them, this is where many of their social circles exist.

One other thing that we talked about briefly is some of the myths that exist about both introverts and extroverts. Here's a good article from a self-described introvert about some of the falsities that are out there concerning introverts. (As an introvert myself, I can attest to many of these.)

A last thought from our Insiders is this: a good indicator of whether you're an introvert or an extrovert is in how you react to being social. If being "out and about" and talking to others drains your energy, there's a good chance you're an introvert. Extroverts, on the other hand, often feel energized from being around other people. Of course, this isn't always the case and there are many people who float between these two extremes, but it's often a good starting point for realizing where you stand in all of this.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF AN EXTROVERT OR AN INTROVERT, AND WHY? IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE TIPS FOR FIGURING OUT THESE DIFFERENCES, PLEASE SHARE BELOW!

The Mind Does What The Body Tells It

Take a look at the following TED Talk entitled "Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are." It's an extremely interesting case for how important body language is, arguing that our mind tends to follow what our body does (sort of like how a sad person can smile until they actually start to feel happier). In any case, it's an interesting presentation that might change your mind about how the importance of some of that non-verbal communication.

BELOW, LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE VIDEO! IS BODY LANGUAGE REALLY THAT IMPORTANT? AND HOW CAN IT CHANGE NOT ONLY YOU, BUT THOSE AROUND YOU??

Two Surprising Questions To Ask Yourself When Making Friends

photo by Bilal Kamoon

Let's face it: for some, making friends can be really tough. That knot in your stomach -- you know, the one that emerges right when you think you're ready to jump into a conversation -- that isn't something that only you have felt before. It's a common experience among many, and it's not very fun.

Our Insiders recently met with an interesting perspective on this topic of making friends. Rather than looking at that "laundry list" of tips for making friends (example: introduce yourself to someone new), we went back to the basics and asked ourselves two very intriguing questions, one of which was:

How many friends do you actually want?

This first question can best be answered by the acknowledgement that not everyone wants a lot of friends. In thinking about the differences between introverts and extroverts, it's clear that many people are perfectly happy with a smaller group of good friends, while others want as many friends as they can possibly get! Generally speaking, extroverts tend to have more good friends and acquaintances, while introverts have fewer friends in those categories. Don't be fooled, however, as introverts tend to place more value on close friendships and often have a few more of those "most trusted few."

With this distinction made, it's important to be realistic about how many friends you actually want to have in the following categories: acquaintances, good friends, close friends, "most trusted few." Not everyone needs to have as many friends as possible, and indeed some people overwhelm themselves with the notion that they need more and more friends. Once you have this question figured out, you can start working on the next one:

Where do you make friends?

This question focuses on where to make friends rather than how. It's a rewording of a question that clues us in on something very important: one of the best ways to make friends is identifying where they may be. So while it's true that potential friends are all around us, why not make the task even simpler by going to where you absolutely know you can make friends? Consider thinking about some of your interests, skills, hobbies and go to the places in which people are doing those same things. By doing this, it's much easier to practice those conversation skills since you can be sure that others share your interests as well.

Furthermore, this is an easy way to get used to social recreation, that skill of getting friends together and hanging out. It's much easier to spend time with a group of friends when everyone is doing something they like to do. For people who have some social anxiety, this is a great way to get used to being around crowds of people as well.

BELOW, SHARE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS. DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER TIPS THAT MIGHT BE USEFUL FOR MAKING FRIENDS? IF SO, LEAVE A COMMENT AND WE'LL DISCUSS!

The Brain Matters!

Featured below are a couple of articles that show the importance of both nutrition and sleep to our brains. At first glance, one might wonder what these things have to do with social skills. After all, the first article tested for scores on cognitive tests; nothing about social skills was mentioned at all. But if we look at human beings as a whole rather than just on the basis of a test score, we might be able to bridge some connections. The second article argues for the importance of sleep, that it contributes greatly to our physical health. It also helps us solve problems and think more clearly. A person who is well-rested is also more capable of handling stress as well.

Focusing on the health benefits that proper nutrition and sleep can provide is wonderful. It helps us perform real-world tasks as best as possible and keeps us in tip-top shape for everything from our jobs to our friendships. And let's not forget, a large part of being a responsible adult means that we take proper care of ourselves. Without proper nutrition or sleep, one may feel too sick or tired to perform their responsibilities at work. Or one may forget about a commitment they made with a friend. Or... well, the list goes on and on!

The first article -- which you can find here -- showed the link between good nutrition and good cognition.  The researchers used biomarkers in the blood to correlate vitamin usage to brain health.  Here are some of the things they found:

• People who consumed higher levels of vitamin B (as well as vitamins C, D, and E) had higher scores on cognitive tests than people with lower levels of those vitamins.
• People who had higher levels of omega-3 fatty acids also performed better on these cognitive tests.
• Higher levels of trans fats was associated with a poorer performance in thinking and memory tests.  The researchers also found that higher levels of these fats led to more brain shrinkage.  Trans fats are found in junk foods like friend, packaged, and fast foods.
• Author Gene Bowman said that the team's findings "need to be confirmed, but obviously it is very exciting to think that people could potentially stop their brains from shrinking and keep them sharp by adjusting their diet."

The second article -- found here -- revealed the important role that sleep has for our brain.  Researchers again used biomarkers in the blood to reveal that sleeping has an anti-inflammatory effect on the brain.  The study also showed that people who have trouble sleeping are more at risk for metabolic syndrome.  Interestingly enough, it was also mentioned that sleeping on a problem is actually an efficient way to solve them.  According to the article, "During sleep, our brain's memory centers are busy consolidating recall for more effective memory when we're awake.  Sleeping well is an important way to improve your memory ability and may lower risk for cognitive decline."
With the importance of sleep explained, the article gave some tips for sleeping soundly at night:

• Stay up during the day. A daytime nap can be invigorating, but if you already suffer from sleeplessness at night, try not to nap so you'll feel more fatigued at bedtime.
• Avoid evening liquids. After dinner, try not to drink large quantities of water or other drinks. A full bladder can awaken you during the night and you may have trouble getting back to sleep.
• Stay mellow in the evening. Watching lively nighttime sports or an exciting movie thriller tends to hype some people up, making it harder for them to fall asleep.
• Avoid caffeine at night. Whether it's from tea, coffee, soda or even a chocolate bar, caffeine can keep us awake, so avoid it in the evenings. Try to skip coffee entirely in the late afternoon and evening.
• Maintain good sleep habits. It helps to get into bed at the same time each night. Try to skip watching TV, eating or even reading a book. Simply turn out the light and take a few moments to get settled. If you are not asleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed and do something else until you feel tired again. Once you go back to bed, get settled, and give it another 20 minutes. Every time you get into bed to sleep, try remaining still and focus on slow, steady breathing.

DO THESE STUDIES CONFIRM YOUR OWN NUTRITION AND SLEEPING HABITS?  AND DO YOU HAVE ADDITIONAL TIPS FOR EATING OR SLEEPING BETTER?  IF SO, ADD THEM TO THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

Types Of Friends

Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

One of our most popular topics with the Aspie Insiders has been friendship. And why not? Most of us as human beings seek social interaction in one form or another. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, chances are friendship is on your mind. While the Insiders have discussed the skills needed to make friends as well as how to treat friends, one thing we might have glanced over is the definition of a friend.

When it comes to friends specifically, there are a few different levels of friendships that exist, and it's helpful to keep these in mind. Understanding the differences here can help us better socialize with friends as well as gauge those relationships.  For example, knowing not to reveal deep, personal feelings to a simple acquaintance will help us avoid awkward situations that otherwise might push people away.

With that, there are a few different types of friends that exist.  They are:

• Acquaintances: People you just barely know.  You might not know there names or other important details.  You can be friendly with them, but don’t go into depth with personal details.
• Good Friends: Those you don’t really know well, but you can still be friendly with them.  Good friends are closer than acquaintances and might show up every now and then in your life.
• Close Friends: These are people you can trust a lot with.  You know a lot about them, they know a lot about you.  They are closer than good friends and are the people you might see on a day-to-day basis.
• Your Most Trusted Few: These friends are few and far between.  You can trust them with a WHOLE lot.  Respect and value these types of friends.  They can be your parents, close siblings, and best friends.

It's not uncommon for our friends to move from one level of friendship to another.  You might find that you have a lot in common with an acquaintance and that relationship might grow to the point where you identify yourselves as close friends.  On the other hand, a close friend may move away and become just an acquaintance.

There are other types of friends as well. A new term we've been using lately is "frenemy" -- an enemy disguised as a friend. These are the people who appear friendly on the surface but are secretly motivated by something else, whether it be seeing a "friend" upset or taking advantage of them. As we go through life, however, it's important to gauge who our true friends are.

WE TALKED ABOUT HOW PARENTS, CLOSE SIBLINGS, AND BEST FRIENDS CAN ALL BE PART OF "YOUR MOST TRUSTED FEW."  WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE FIT INTO THE OTHER CATEGORIES?  AND WHAT ARE THE BIG FACTORS IN DETERMINING WHAT TYPE OF FRIEND A PERSON IS?  IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA, SHARE BELOW!

Insiders Grab Bag!

Included below is a healthy sampling of some of the more popular entries from our Through Aspie Colored Glasses blog. From learning how to make friends to tips on saving money, check them out! Remember that comments are always appreciated. And of course, don't forget to share this with someone if you think they'll find it interesting.

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Making Friends

An entry on those social skills vital to making new friends and maintaining relationships. While we don't cover everything a person needs to know to develop new friendships, our Insiders go into detail on what has worked for them and what they hope might work for you!

A Framework For Organization

Organization is tough for most, but don't lose hope! Our Insiders look at some proven techniques for turning any space from "ground zero" to a functional place to live, work, play, and so on. Our "framework" for organization provides a step-by-step process that any person can adopt to clean up even the messiest of rooms.

Perfect Planning

Planning, just like organization, is one of those Executive Functioning skills that helps us maintain order in our life. Without it, humanity would simply not get by. The Insiders chime in on what makes planning difficult, and they offer their own advice for any person who finds planning to be tough.

Social Recreation

Behind the seemingly simple idea of "hanging out" with friends, there are many skills that one must coordinate to do something like meet up with a group of buddies on a Friday night. There's planning, communication, organization... and this all before you even meet up with those friends! For some, this all seems like common sense, but for others it's not so easy. Our Insiders offer their own thoughts on what we've termed "social recreation," the practice of meeting up and hanging out with friends.

Insiders: On Money

Finances is a pretty big topic that covers a lot of different things. So rather than looking at advice concerning money, the Insiders sat down for a discussion on how they handle finances. While many good points were made, perhaps the most important one of all is that managing money successfully requires one's own custom strategy. What works for one person doesn't always work for another. If you check this entry out, don't forget to let us know what works for YOU when managing money!

COMING SOON, WE WILL BE DOING INTERVIEWS WITH SOME OF OUR VERY OWN  INSIDERS AND THOSE WITHIN THE ASPERGER'S COMMUNITY. AS OUR ASPIE INSIDERS BLOG CONTINUES TO GROW, WE ARE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM US! LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW, AND THANKS FOR READING!

The Divided Brain

During discussions with our Aspie Insiders, we have referenced the idea of "emotional intelligence" a few times, usually when having a conversation about how we react to the actions of others. While this isn’t a new concept, it’s still something that many people don’t quite understand.  One of the things we’ve talked about as a group is how our mind works — that is, sometimes it reasons while other times it empathizes.  For a long time, we explained this by referring to how our brain is divided.  One side reasons while the other feels emotions, one side analyzes and the other creates, and so on.  The interesting thing is, this activity in the brain isn’t really as divided as we thought.  Check out the video below to find out more.

IF YOU HAVE A VIDEO YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE, LINK US TO IT BELOW! AND DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS ON EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BELOW AS WELL!

The Verbal Filter: Digital Style

Almost every user of Facebook has had that same experience: you're looking through your feed, seeing what your friends are up to, when you come across a status update that is so controversial or downright rude that it nearly makes you cringe. It could be a complaint from a friend who has already made plenty of gripes in recent memory, or it could be a comment that you just know will lead to an explosive argument. Sometimes the comment is of a political or religious nature, and you can't help but wonder if the person who posted that is just looking for a fight.

Perhaps you're on the other side of this picture — maybe you're the one who posts some of these things.

Our Insiders recently met to talk about friendships in the digital world, and one of the most helpful comments that was made was that the verbal filter has a place in the online world as well. For those of you who don't know, a verbal filter is basically what it sounds like: a mental check that we consciously use before an idea turns into words to determine whether our idea needs to be said in a different way, or whether it needs to be mentioned at all! The verbal filter is basically the conversational version of the old adage "look before you leap" (think of it simply as "think before you speak").

Our ability to alter a thought before it leaves our mouth (or cancel the thought altogether) is extremely important when it comes to making friends. Most people avoid the person who blurts out blunt truths without taking some time to think about how those comments might make a person feel. This works the same way in the digital world as well. Even though it's easier to type out a thought and press "enter" — there are no instant ramifications to a poorly constructed thought, you see — it definitely pays to slow down and ask yourself a few questions:

1. Do I need to say what I'm thinking right now? If you feel undecided on this, there's a good chance that you should hold off on posting. Also, consider who will see your comments. Facebook is hardly the place to tell people your deep, personal thoughts (you should take things like that to your "most trusted few").
2. Am I inviting opposition with my post? Unfortunately, there are people on the internet who intentionally post things to spark a negative emotional reaction — these people are often called internet "trolls." Avoid getting identified as an internet troll by thinking ahead and considering what responses you'll get from your post.
3. Is there a better way to say what I want? Effective communication means that you get your point across in a way that's easy for other people to understand. Ambiguous comments or posts online can lead to unintended consequences. And if you choose to say something that you know might hurt a person's feelings, think about how you can "soften" the message so that it sounds like advice rather than criticism.

Of course, these questions can be used not just for posting on Facebook, but for online forums, chatrooms, and even comments sections on popular sites like Youtube. Using a verbal filter can mean the difference between making friends and pushing them away. And as the digital world becomes an even greater part of our lives, practicing some control over what we say and who we say it to can help us build relationships even further.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THE INTERNET A GOOD PLACE TO PRACTICE SOME VERBAL FILTERING? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

Aspie Insiders Cooking: Homemade Pizza and a Basic Tossed Salad

 
Our Insiders have been cooking for quite some time, building upon their skills and seeing real-world results. Many of them use the recipes we provide and experiment a little, finding simpler ways to get a finished product or adding to the original recipe with a signature touch that is all their own.

Today gave the Insiders another opportunity to cook, and so we decided to do homemade pizza and a basic tossed salad. The interesting thing about this dish is that it is largely what you make it. If you want your pizza to be really cheesy, for instance, feel free to throw on the cheese! If you like pizza sauce, don't hold back. And in terms of toppings, the sky is the limit! Black olives, green peppers, pineapple chunks, avocado slices, hot sauce, pepperoni, ham, coconut... there are toppings aplenty! For salads, it's much the same: it's all about the toppings. For today's salad, we chose romaine lettuce, carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers. One of our Insiders threw some grapes into his salad as well to sweeten it up a bit.

In making homemade pizza, one of the most challenging things to do is something that we simplified. Preparing the crust — perhaps the most important part of making a pizza — can be either a lengthy process requiring many ingredients, or it can be as simple as pulling the crust out of a bag and tossing on the toppings. Many recipes call for making dough from scratch. For our pizza, we simply bought some frozen dough balls instead. And for the simplest crust of all, simply buy a premade one from the frozen section of the grocer.

In making our pizza and salad, the Insiders noted a few particulars they thought would help anyone else trying to do the same thing:

Non-stick, non-worry!

• The non-stick aluminum was helpful when preparing the dough. After the pizzas were cooked, they also didn't stick to the foil at all, which was nice. Of course, adding flour to the dough keeps it from sticking and gives it shape, so between the two we had no problems with sticky dough (or crust).
• Make sure to use flour when forming the dough. Otherwise, it can be a pretty sticky situation (pun intended).
• We used frozen dough for today's pizza. Given the time we had, we opted to microwave the dough a little to thaw it out. Our suggestion? Don't do this. Give it time to thaw instead. When cooking in the oven, our pizza crusts took much longer to cook thoroughly, and we think this is why.
• All ovens are different. Even if your instructions say to cook for 25 minutes, start checking on it minutes before. You know that your pizza is ready when 1. the crust appears golden-brown, and 2. the cheese is melted throughout (including the middle).

Below, you can see our finished product. According to the Insiders, the pizza was delicious. Not only that, it was simple to make. With a 10-minute preparation time and 20 minutes of cooking, this makes an easy 30-minute meal for two:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not quite a perfect shape, but definitely a perfect taste!

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE ASPIE INSIDERS COOKING PROJECT, CHECK OUT OUR OTHER BLOG POSTS HERE, HERE, AND HERE! THE FIRST ONE FEATURES A MEXICAN DISH THE INSIDERS DID, WHILE THE OTHER TWO ARE ABOUT OUR COOKING EFFORTS FOR THE RONALD MCDONALD HOUSE. IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW, SHARE YOUR OWN RECIPES FOR OUR INSIDERS — WE MIGHT JUST USE ONE NEXT TIME WE COOK!

The Insiders On: Giving Back

Giving back — whether it be for a community, a friend, or a cause — is something that we as human beings are all capable of. It is a concept that helps the world move in a productive, positive manner as well as one of those essential rules that helps ensure that people are cared for and looked after. When we give back to others who have helped us, it offers us a chance to not only focus on people other than ourselves, but to actually make a concrete difference in another person's life.

The Aspie Insiders met today to discuss some of this and recount the ways that they have given back to the community or to those close to them. As we talked about our own experiences, it became clear that volunteering one's time or abilities can often lead to more opportunity. One of our members, Daniel, shared that he volunteered at a nearby library by teaching computer skills. Eventually, he was asked to join the library in a paid position. Another Insider, Jay, offers his skills as a DJ on a regular basis for many events that go on at the iCan House. While he has done this voluntarily, many of his paid gigs have come from recommendations through the iCan House.

Giving back doesn't have to happen with the expectation that one will get something in return though. One Insider mentioned the "pay it forward" idea from the movie of the same name. The concept is simple: if someone does a good deed for you, do a good deed for three other people. This "random acts of kindness" thing is something we talked about last week. It's simple, it's kind of impulsive, but it sticks. It's definitely a way to create more friendships, but it's also a way to change lives.

So how can you give back to others? Consider the following:

• Volunteering. Seriously, there are tons of places out there with specific needs that are looking for YOUR specific talents. Consider www.volunteermatch.org/ as a starting point. Or, simply look up some local organizations and make some calls. There are opportunities out there for you if you're looking to volunteer!
• "Paying It Forward." If you do something nice in return for a friend's kind act, the circle of compassion ends there. If, however, you do three good deeds for every one good deed done for you, then the cycle continues (especially if you encourage the people you help to "pay it forward" themselves). 
• Being a good listener. Giving back isn't just about what you can do for your community, it's also about what you can do for your friends. Friends aren't just for hanging out with — they're also there to listen to you when you have something heavy on your heart. For those close friends, consider opening up a conversation by simply asking "How are you doing?" If your friend responds with a quick "fine," press a little bit more: "No, really. How have things been? Good, bad, could be better? What's on your mind?"
• Use your talents and skills. What's better than doing the things you enjoy doing? Answer: doing what you like to do for someone else! Think about your own talents and abilities for just a moment. Chances are, there is someone that you know who could benefit from those skills that you have. Consider making a list. Consider what YOU can do!

HOW HAVE YOU GIVEN BACK TO EITHER THE COMMUNITY, YOUR FRIENDS, OR A CAUSE? AND HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

Making Friends

The Aspie Insiders met today with an important discussion topic in mind: friendship! Consider for a moment all of the people who revolve around you on a day-to-day basis: family members, coworkers, close friends, acquaintances, strangers, and so on. These are the people who create YOUR universe, the people with whom you can share feelings or hang out with. Or — as is the case with strangers and acquaintances — they might be the people you get to know as you try to make a new friend.

As we started talking, the founder of the iCan House dropped in to talk with us for a little while! She offered a couple of her own stories about friends who helped her out when she was in desperate need of help. As we talked, a few important points seemed to pop out more than others when it comes to friendship:

• Trust. It is huge in friendships, so much so that it can actually mean the difference between being a friend and a "frenemy" (an enemy disguised as a friend). We identified the truth that trust takes a long time to build, a short time to lose, and can take forever to gain back.
• In trying to be more trustworthy, it's important to do some perspective-taking. Think before you tell someone what you know about another person, even to the point that you ask yourself: "How would my friend feel if he/she knew what I was saying to this person?" If you feel uneasy about the answer to that question, it's probably a good idea to keep your mouth closed.
• Think about practicing "random acts of kindness." A secret to being a good friend is being available to help out when another person is experiencing a challenge (consider this saying: "You'll know who your best friends are when you move — they'll be the ones helping you take your stuff from one home to the next")
• Be careful that other "friends" don't take advantage of you. Helping a friend out with money once or twice is probably okay (though many would disagree with that!), but doing "acts of kindness" over and over again to meet a friend's wish doesn't actually sound too friendly. Consider how many times a friend has asked for your help, and be careful when it comes to money!
• Another secret for making is friends is being able to plan to meet up with friends. We covered this some time ago with our post on "Social Recreation," the term we use for putting together the various pieces it takes to meet up with friends, whether it be for something small like seeing a movie or something big like a Halloween Party!

THE INSIDERS WANT TO EXTEND THE QUESTION TO YOU: WHAT IS THE GREATEST THING A FRIEND HAS EVER DONE FOR YOU? LEAVE YOUR RESPONSE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

A Framework For Organization

Ah, organization! A skill that can apply to our living space, schedule, goals, and even our mind...

"Man, you really need to clean your room," "Why don't you make some plans and we'll get together and discuss this project over lunch?" "I really, really need to organize my thoughts..."

Organization truly is the stitch that pulls together all of life's seams. Without good organization skills, life can feel messy, sloppy, lazy, and chaotic — all of which sound pretty bad. Being a good organizer has a surprising amount of benefits. People who are better organized often experience less stress. The ability to organize equips a person with the chance to control the outcomes in their life; rather than "drifting" through life without aim, organized people develop the habits that help them reach their goals. Even the practice of organizing itself has far-reaching benefits on other aspects of one's life. Having an organized working space, for instance, saves time. Rather than looking for items needed to perform a task, one can get to the task itself faster and easier.

As our Aspie Insiders discussed the big concept of organization, it became more and more clear that being organized has an exponential rate of effectiveness. The more organized a person becomes, the less time they have to devote to getting organized — makes sense, right? Well, it works the opposite way too: the less organized a person is, the more time they have to spend getting organized. This all sounds like common sense, but in practice things get a bit more complicated. With that said, here are some reasons people resist the organized life:

• In many cases, there's a feeling of hopelessness one experiences when faced with the daunting task of getting organized. Staring at a ridiculously messy room has an effective way of breaking that drive to become organized.
• Many people complain that they don't have the time to organize their busy life or cluttered space. For this, we refer back to the idea that getting organized saves time instead of eating it up, especially in the long run. If a big project will occupy 3 hours of one's time every week for 5 weeks, that's 15 hours of time total. If it takes 30 minutes just to get started on the project each time, that's 2.5 hours of wasted time. Even with 2.5 hours spent on getting organized, it's a break-even proposition (except it's really not, since any future projects will be done quicker as well).
• There's often a fear that presents itself with greater organization, the idea that a person will slip into old habits quickly and ruin the good habits they started. In many cases, using reminders can help out in this area.

In many cases, an effective strategy can help bridge a person from those fears to becoming successfully organized. Being prepared can help to ease fears, build confidence, and provide a visible framework for what needs to be done. With this, the Insiders worked to develop a step-by-step framework for successful organization, included below!

A Framework For Organization

STEP 1: With any clutter or items that occupy too much space, determine whether you want to keep it, trash it, or give/donate/sell it (Pro Tip: lots of things hold memories but still cause clutter; for these items, you can keep a memory with a picture, then let the item go by selling or giving it away)

STEP 2: For any space, decide what its function is (ex: this bedroom will serve as a laundry room, crafting space, and art studio). Then, take away everything that doesn’t serve that function. (Note: this might cause clutter elsewhere; in this case, go back to the first step and determine which items you want to keep, trash, etc.)

STEP 3: Once things are in better shape, maintain these three guidelines for any home:

1. A place for everything. (If the item doesn’t have a place, go back to step 1 and determine whether you want to keep, trash, etc.)
2. Don’t put it down, put it away!
3. If it will take you 2 minutes or less to do, do it!

IF YOU HAVE ADDITIONAL TIPS FOR ORGANIZATION, LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!