Two Surprising Questions To Ask Yourself When Making Friends

photo by Bilal Kamoon

Let's face it: for some, making friends can be really tough. That knot in your stomach -- you know, the one that emerges right when you think you're ready to jump into a conversation -- that isn't something that only you have felt before. It's a common experience among many, and it's not very fun.

Our Insiders recently met with an interesting perspective on this topic of making friends. Rather than looking at that "laundry list" of tips for making friends (example: introduce yourself to someone new), we went back to the basics and asked ourselves two very intriguing questions, one of which was:

How many friends do you actually want?

This first question can best be answered by the acknowledgement that not everyone wants a lot of friends. In thinking about the differences between introverts and extroverts, it's clear that many people are perfectly happy with a smaller group of good friends, while others want as many friends as they can possibly get! Generally speaking, extroverts tend to have more good friends and acquaintances, while introverts have fewer friends in those categories. Don't be fooled, however, as introverts tend to place more value on close friendships and often have a few more of those "most trusted few."

With this distinction made, it's important to be realistic about how many friends you actually want to have in the following categories: acquaintances, good friends, close friends, "most trusted few." Not everyone needs to have as many friends as possible, and indeed some people overwhelm themselves with the notion that they need more and more friends. Once you have this question figured out, you can start working on the next one:

Where do you make friends?

This question focuses on where to make friends rather than how. It's a rewording of a question that clues us in on something very important: one of the best ways to make friends is identifying where they may be. So while it's true that potential friends are all around us, why not make the task even simpler by going to where you absolutely know you can make friends? Consider thinking about some of your interests, skills, hobbies and go to the places in which people are doing those same things. By doing this, it's much easier to practice those conversation skills since you can be sure that others share your interests as well.

Furthermore, this is an easy way to get used to social recreation, that skill of getting friends together and hanging out. It's much easier to spend time with a group of friends when everyone is doing something they like to do. For people who have some social anxiety, this is a great way to get used to being around crowds of people as well.

BELOW, SHARE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS. DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER TIPS THAT MIGHT BE USEFUL FOR MAKING FRIENDS? IF SO, LEAVE A COMMENT AND WE'LL DISCUSS!

Types Of Friends

Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

One of our most popular topics with the Aspie Insiders has been friendship. And why not? Most of us as human beings seek social interaction in one form or another. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, chances are friendship is on your mind. While the Insiders have discussed the skills needed to make friends as well as how to treat friends, one thing we might have glanced over is the definition of a friend.

When it comes to friends specifically, there are a few different levels of friendships that exist, and it's helpful to keep these in mind. Understanding the differences here can help us better socialize with friends as well as gauge those relationships.  For example, knowing not to reveal deep, personal feelings to a simple acquaintance will help us avoid awkward situations that otherwise might push people away.

With that, there are a few different types of friends that exist.  They are:

• Acquaintances: People you just barely know.  You might not know there names or other important details.  You can be friendly with them, but don’t go into depth with personal details.
• Good Friends: Those you don’t really know well, but you can still be friendly with them.  Good friends are closer than acquaintances and might show up every now and then in your life.
• Close Friends: These are people you can trust a lot with.  You know a lot about them, they know a lot about you.  They are closer than good friends and are the people you might see on a day-to-day basis.
• Your Most Trusted Few: These friends are few and far between.  You can trust them with a WHOLE lot.  Respect and value these types of friends.  They can be your parents, close siblings, and best friends.

It's not uncommon for our friends to move from one level of friendship to another.  You might find that you have a lot in common with an acquaintance and that relationship might grow to the point where you identify yourselves as close friends.  On the other hand, a close friend may move away and become just an acquaintance.

There are other types of friends as well. A new term we've been using lately is "frenemy" -- an enemy disguised as a friend. These are the people who appear friendly on the surface but are secretly motivated by something else, whether it be seeing a "friend" upset or taking advantage of them. As we go through life, however, it's important to gauge who our true friends are.

WE TALKED ABOUT HOW PARENTS, CLOSE SIBLINGS, AND BEST FRIENDS CAN ALL BE PART OF "YOUR MOST TRUSTED FEW."  WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE FIT INTO THE OTHER CATEGORIES?  AND WHAT ARE THE BIG FACTORS IN DETERMINING WHAT TYPE OF FRIEND A PERSON IS?  IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA, SHARE BELOW!