Notes On: Humor and Sarcasm

Humor! One of the most social habits of humanity, as well as one of the most perplexing, humor exists to help us make light of serious situations. It's also there to help us open up a conversation, or even impress an audience. In short, humor is a quintessentially human concept that serves a very social function. Some aspects of humor, however, tend to confuse and confound more than make others laugh. Sarcasm, for instance, is often a form of humor that confuses others. It can even be used to express dissatisfaction to another person, much different from what many people think of when they think of humor.

The Aspie Insiders met recently to talk about humor, looking specifically at the matter of sarcasm. We covered in depth how to tell when a person is being sarcastic. The bulk of this discussion will appear later on this blog. For today, though, let's consider why people choose to be sarcastic. It's a question that came up during our conversation, and it's important to understand how sarcasm can be used for good... and for bad.

Sarcasm is an interesting form of humor, one that can be immensely funny when used in a proper context. Some people who are said to have a "sarcastic sense of humor" often have great success in making others laugh. With a dry, sometime even biting sense of humor, this seems counter intuitive. The trick, though, is that people around them grow to understand that personality trait, and in doing so grow closer to the person behind the humor. Sarcastic people can be endearing people to know, the ones who boldly say what's on their mind and require some getting used to. This character from Parks and Recreation, a popular television show, fits this description perfectly:

At the same time, sarcasm can be an inhibitor to making others laugh. It's not uncommon for sarcasm to do the opposite and turn others away. After all, there's a fine line between sarcasm and rudeness. Part of this is because sarcasm is also used as a tool -- a signal that someone just isn't happy about something. Sarcasm can convey disapproval in a way that being openly rude cannot. When a person uses sarcasm to express dissatisfaction with something, they accomplish two dangerous things: 1. They communicate their disapproval, and 2. They keep their intentions hidden (unless, of course, the other person is smart enough to figure this out). Since sarcasm employs irony to convey an opposite meaning, understanding what is actually being said is almost presented as a challenge. Fail the challenge, and it makes a person look foolish.

As an example, let's pretend that Bobby (our sarcastic fellow in this situation) does not like the color red. Amy, a friend of Bobby's, gets Bobby a red hat for his birthday. When he opens his gift and sees the hat, he is dissatisfied. Using sarcasm to convey this feeling, Bobby states, "Wow, a red hat. Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Now, Bobby actually does not like this hat, given that it's red. Instead of making his thoughts clearly known, he opts to use sarcasm. In doing so, he leaves his true feelings hidden. Amy may or may not understand that Bobby actually doesn't like the hat, but it's up to her to figure it out. If she cannot detect the sarcasm, then she looks even more foolish. This is the reason sarcasm can be so destructive, for it uses smoke and mirrors to express frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction.

DO YOU USE SARCASM TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD YOU HAVE A "SARCASTIC" SENSE OF HUMOR? IF SO, WHAT HAVE BEEN YOUR SUCCESSES AND PITFALLS WITH USING THIS TYPE OF HUMOR? LEAVE A COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Conversation Skills and "The Mountain"

The Aspie Insiders recently met up together to talk about a huge requirement for interacting with other people: having communication skills. Specifically, we mapped out the course of a typical conversation step by step, being careful to explain how each stage of a typical conversation differs and what it looks like in real life.

With this in mind, we would like to share with you our "Conversation Mountain," a carefully plotted map for how typical conversations progress:

The six steps to this conversation pattern are fairly simple, and they provide a fair picture of what is going on while two people are interacting with words:

1. Greeting. The greeting is as simple as saying "hi," though our members agree that even this can be difficult in the right context (such as introducing yourself to a person you're attracted to).

2. Small Talk, Part 1. For the first phase of small talk, our members noted that people generally ask questions to get a conversation started. The "W" stands for "wonder questions," which are essentially questions asked because of something that one is wondering about another person.

3. Small Talk, Part 2. As we transition into small talk, we go from asking wonder questions to asking "followup questions" (that's what the "F" stands for in our image). As the name implies, these questions are following up on bits of information gained from asking wonder questions.

4. Deep, Personal Conversation. The top of the mountain in terms of conversation is without a doubt the best place to be. Our members noted that at this part of the conversation, the topics discussed are usually personal and complex. In a way, the whole practice of "small talk" is for reaching this area of the mountain, where people can be themselves and talk about the things that interest them.

5. The Wrap Up. At this part in the conversation, things are winding down. Even though the top of the mountain is a great place to be, it requires a lot of energy and can't be enjoyed forever. When time is running out or interest is fading, our members noted that people generally indicate a conclusion to things by saying something like "Well, it was great talking to you, but I gotta run."

6. "Goodbye." This part of the mountain represents the end to the conversation and is usually marked by a departing remark such as "see ya" or "alright, I'm out" — something simple to indicate to the other person that you are done with the conversation.

On our conversation mountain, you will also notice a bridge connecting "small talk" to the "wrap up." One of our members suggested this, since in many cases small talk is used as a courtesy to others rather than as a way to get into deep, personal conversations (people typically do this when they know they won't have time to get to "4" in a conversation). Of course, the bridge can go the other way as well — that is, in the process of "wrapping up" you may discover a topic the other person wants to talk about.

As far the river goes, that was added for aesthetic appeal. If, however, you think it can be a metaphor for how we converse, let us know in the comments section below!

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF OUR CONVERSATION MOUNTAIN? DID WE FULLY COVER THE PROCESS THAT OCCURS WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO EACH OTHER? AND, DO YOU THINK THIS IS HELPFUL FOR THOSE WHO HAVE DIFFICULTY NAVIGATING The Aspie Insiders recently met up together to talk about a huge requirement for interacting with other people: having communication skills. Specifically, we mapped out the course of a typical conversation step by step, being careful to explain how each stage of a typical conversation differs and what it looks like in real life.

With this in mind, we would like to share with you our "Conversation Mountain," a carefully plotted map for how typical conversations progress:

The six steps to this conversation pattern are fairly simple, and they provide a fair picture of what is going on while two people are interacting with words:

Greeting. The greeting is as simple as saying "hi," though our members agree that even this can be difficult in the right context (such as introducing yourself to a person you're attracted to).

Small Talk, Part 1. For the first phase of small talk, our members noted that people generally ask questions to get a conversation started. The "W" stands for "wonder questions," which are essentially questions asked because of something that one is wondering about another person.

Small Talk, Part 2. As we transition into small talk, we go from asking wonder questions to asking "followup questions" (that's what the "F" stands for in our image). As the name implies, these questions are following up on bits of information gained from asking wonder questions.

Deep, Personal Conversation. The top of the mountain in terms of conversation is without a doubt the best place to be. Our members noted that at this part of the conversation, the topics discussed are usually personal and complex. In a way, the whole practice of "small talk" is for reaching this area of the mountain, where people can be themselves and talk about the things that interest them.

The Wrap Up. At this part in the conversation, things are winding down. Even though the top of the mountain is a great place to be, it requires a lot of energy and can't be enjoyed forever. When time is running out or interest is fading, our members noted that people generally indicate a conclusion to things by saying something like "Well, it was great talking to you, but I gotta run."

"Goodbye." This part of the mountain represents the end to the conversation and is usually marked by a departing remark such as "see ya" or "alright, I'm out" — something simple to indicate to the other person that you are done with the conversation.

On our conversation mountain, you will also notice a bridge connecting "small talk" to the "wrap up." One of our members suggested this, since in many cases small talk is used as a courtesy to others rather than as a way to get into deep, personal conversations (people typically do this when they know they won't have time to get to "4" in a conversation). Of course, the bridge can go the other way as well — that is, in the process of "wrapping up" you may discover a topic the other person wants to talk about.

As far the river goes, that was added for aesthetic appeal. If, however, you think it can be a metaphor for how we converse, let us know in the comments section below!

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF OUR CONVERSATION MOUNTAIN? DID WE FULLY COVER THE PROCESS THAT OCCURS WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO EACH OTHER? AND, DO YOU THINK THIS IS HELPFUL FOR THOSE WHO HAVE DIFFICULTY NAVIGATING CONVERSATIONS?