Notes On: Humor and Sarcasm

Humor! One of the most social habits of humanity, as well as one of the most perplexing, humor exists to help us make light of serious situations. It's also there to help us open up a conversation, or even impress an audience. In short, humor is a quintessentially human concept that serves a very social function. Some aspects of humor, however, tend to confuse and confound more than make others laugh. Sarcasm, for instance, is often a form of humor that confuses others. It can even be used to express dissatisfaction to another person, much different from what many people think of when they think of humor.

The Aspie Insiders met recently to talk about humor, looking specifically at the matter of sarcasm. We covered in depth how to tell when a person is being sarcastic. The bulk of this discussion will appear later on this blog. For today, though, let's consider why people choose to be sarcastic. It's a question that came up during our conversation, and it's important to understand how sarcasm can be used for good... and for bad.

Sarcasm is an interesting form of humor, one that can be immensely funny when used in a proper context. Some people who are said to have a "sarcastic sense of humor" often have great success in making others laugh. With a dry, sometime even biting sense of humor, this seems counter intuitive. The trick, though, is that people around them grow to understand that personality trait, and in doing so grow closer to the person behind the humor. Sarcastic people can be endearing people to know, the ones who boldly say what's on their mind and require some getting used to. This character from Parks and Recreation, a popular television show, fits this description perfectly:

At the same time, sarcasm can be an inhibitor to making others laugh. It's not uncommon for sarcasm to do the opposite and turn others away. After all, there's a fine line between sarcasm and rudeness. Part of this is because sarcasm is also used as a tool -- a signal that someone just isn't happy about something. Sarcasm can convey disapproval in a way that being openly rude cannot. When a person uses sarcasm to express dissatisfaction with something, they accomplish two dangerous things: 1. They communicate their disapproval, and 2. They keep their intentions hidden (unless, of course, the other person is smart enough to figure this out). Since sarcasm employs irony to convey an opposite meaning, understanding what is actually being said is almost presented as a challenge. Fail the challenge, and it makes a person look foolish.

As an example, let's pretend that Bobby (our sarcastic fellow in this situation) does not like the color red. Amy, a friend of Bobby's, gets Bobby a red hat for his birthday. When he opens his gift and sees the hat, he is dissatisfied. Using sarcasm to convey this feeling, Bobby states, "Wow, a red hat. Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Now, Bobby actually does not like this hat, given that it's red. Instead of making his thoughts clearly known, he opts to use sarcasm. In doing so, he leaves his true feelings hidden. Amy may or may not understand that Bobby actually doesn't like the hat, but it's up to her to figure it out. If she cannot detect the sarcasm, then she looks even more foolish. This is the reason sarcasm can be so destructive, for it uses smoke and mirrors to express frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction.

DO YOU USE SARCASM TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD YOU HAVE A "SARCASTIC" SENSE OF HUMOR? IF SO, WHAT HAVE BEEN YOUR SUCCESSES AND PITFALLS WITH USING THIS TYPE OF HUMOR? LEAVE A COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Humor's Dos and Don'ts

There are many, many ways to be humorous.  For some, slapstick humor can bring a chuckle.  For others, jokes are the preferred method of making people laugh.  No matter what one is doing to be funny, humor is definitely an important part of our social fabric.  It helps us connect, gives our conversations complexity, and even makes people feel comfortable.  What's important to note, however, is that humor carries along with it a whole set of unspoken rules.  Some of those rules are obvious (telling jokes at a funeral, for instance, is a terrible idea), while other rules aren't so clearly defined.

Our Aspie Insiders got together this week to discuss humor in all its different forms.  We talked about how humor is often a tool we use to make friends and meet new people.  One of our Insiders said that he tells lighthearted jokes to customers while he's on the job, and so it's his way of being friendly and getting to know other people.  Another Insider said that he doesn't normally tell jokes, but he points out humor in certain situations.  He explained that he normally does this within his close circle of friends.  We identified many different types of humor, including puns, slapstick, jokes, sarcasm, wit, and even crude or offensive humor.  As we listed these off, we also developed some specific social rules about humor.  They are as follows:

• Puns are an interesting form of humor because a common reaction to a pun isn't laughter, but rather a groan or sigh.  We decided that people do this because puns can be expected.  They are a play on words, but they can definitely be overplayed.
• Humor also changes as we grow up.  Slapstick humor, for instance, is something that younger kids usually find humorous, but to adults it can be annoying.  One member used the Home Alone series of movies as an example of this.
• Humor is subjective, meaning that what some people think is funny, others don't.  This means that a joke we tell doesn't always seem funny to others.  And it works the other way too, when something we say sparks laughter in another person (even when we thought it wasn't funny)
• One important thing to keep in mind is the expressions and reactions that other people have to our humor, since it can tell us when others don't think we're funny anymore.  If you're trying to be funny and the response from others is silence, it's a safe bet that you're not being funny anymore.
• Humor can be used to make us more comfortable about situations around us.  Our Insiders explained that this can be a double-edged sword — in some cases humor helps to calm people down and make them feel less stressed, but in other cases using humor in a stressful situation can make us look silly or be annoying to others.
• Our same rules for conversations apply to humor: talking about such things as politics, religion, money, and other "hot-button issues" is generally not a good idea unless you're very familiar with your audience; in this same way, telling jokes about those things can make people feel very uncomfortable.
• If someone tells a crude joke or mentions something that you find offensive, there are ways to deal with the situation.  You can try to change the subject, or if the person persists with their offensive humor, be assertive and say that you don't feel comfortable talking about that subject.

The last thing we talked about before concluding our discussion was pranks.  We came up with a clear rule that I think can be useful when using any type of humor: if it's something that you wouldn't want another person to do to you, then don't do it to others.  This same rule can be applied to almost any humorous situation; if you think a joke will offend or hurt someone else, then keep it in your head! 


HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED A SITUATION WHERE HUMOR GOT YOU IN TROUBLE?  IF SO, TELL BELOW AND SEE IF YOU CAN APPLY ONE OF OUR HUMOR RULES TO YOUR STORY!