Flexibility And Pet Peeves

One of the greatest challenges we as people may experience in our lives is that of being flexible -- of managing conflicts or frustrations in a reasonable and mature manner.  When a person at the grocery store line jumps in front of you or accidentally spills juice all over your shoes.  Or when the person waiting on your table at a restaurant forgets to put in your order.  Or maybe even the neighbor's dog barking in the middle of the night and keeping you up.  These are all moments when a bit of patience and flexibility can go a long way!

The Aspie Insiders met up last week to discuss this concept and what it means to us.  Here are some of the thoughts they had on the subject:

• One Insider mentioned the need to be flexible while he worked at Harris-Teeter.  He explained that in moments when he lost his cool, he was quick to apologize.
• Another member talked about how some people can "cross boundaries" in a given situation and make being flexible an extremely hard thing to do.
• It's important to keep in mind that there's a proper balance between being assertive and being flexible.  Being flexible doesn't mean that you're willing to be taken advantage of; rather, it means that a person can get along with others in times of stress.
• If you're stressed out or feel you can't be flexible, it's important to take steps to fix a situation before it starts.

As we talked about the importance of being flexible, one of our members mentioned the way the general population views Asperger's Syndrome.  It was mentioned that most people tend to treat those with Asperger's just as normal people.  This works most of the time, but in moments of stress (especially in either an educational or occupational setting) the Insiders wished other people would be more flexible with them.

The last thing we added to the discussion was a quick step-by-step list for asking for help.  It looked something like this:

1. Identify what you need
2. Identify who you should talk to to get what you need
3. Think about what you need to say to this person
4. Address the issue or challenge
5. Work together to produce solutions
6. Repeat if necessary

In today’s hectic, crowded world, following these steps and asking for help can significantly improve a person's life.  Help exists, but being able to know when and how to ask for it is a skill in itself.

IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, SHARE YOUR OWN STORY ABOUT HOW ASKING FOR HELP MADE YOUR LIFE A LOT EASIER.  WHAT TIPS DO YOU HAVE FOR THOSE WHO STRUGGLE WITH ASKING FOR HELP?

The Verbal Filter: Digital Style

Almost every user of Facebook has had that same experience: you're looking through your feed, seeing what your friends are up to, when you come across a status update that is so controversial or downright rude that it nearly makes you cringe. It could be a complaint from a friend who has already made plenty of gripes in recent memory, or it could be a comment that you just know will lead to an explosive argument. Sometimes the comment is of a political or religious nature, and you can't help but wonder if the person who posted that is just looking for a fight.

Perhaps you're on the other side of this picture — maybe you're the one who posts some of these things.

Our Insiders recently met to talk about friendships in the digital world, and one of the most helpful comments that was made was that the verbal filter has a place in the online world as well. For those of you who don't know, a verbal filter is basically what it sounds like: a mental check that we consciously use before an idea turns into words to determine whether our idea needs to be said in a different way, or whether it needs to be mentioned at all! The verbal filter is basically the conversational version of the old adage "look before you leap" (think of it simply as "think before you speak").

Our ability to alter a thought before it leaves our mouth (or cancel the thought altogether) is extremely important when it comes to making friends. Most people avoid the person who blurts out blunt truths without taking some time to think about how those comments might make a person feel. This works the same way in the digital world as well. Even though it's easier to type out a thought and press "enter" — there are no instant ramifications to a poorly constructed thought, you see — it definitely pays to slow down and ask yourself a few questions:

1. Do I need to say what I'm thinking right now? If you feel undecided on this, there's a good chance that you should hold off on posting. Also, consider who will see your comments. Facebook is hardly the place to tell people your deep, personal thoughts (you should take things like that to your "most trusted few").
2. Am I inviting opposition with my post? Unfortunately, there are people on the internet who intentionally post things to spark a negative emotional reaction — these people are often called internet "trolls." Avoid getting identified as an internet troll by thinking ahead and considering what responses you'll get from your post.
3. Is there a better way to say what I want? Effective communication means that you get your point across in a way that's easy for other people to understand. Ambiguous comments or posts online can lead to unintended consequences. And if you choose to say something that you know might hurt a person's feelings, think about how you can "soften" the message so that it sounds like advice rather than criticism.

Of course, these questions can be used not just for posting on Facebook, but for online forums, chatrooms, and even comments sections on popular sites like Youtube. Using a verbal filter can mean the difference between making friends and pushing them away. And as the digital world becomes an even greater part of our lives, practicing some control over what we say and who we say it to can help us build relationships even further.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THE INTERNET A GOOD PLACE TO PRACTICE SOME VERBAL FILTERING? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!