Flexibility And Pet Peeves

One of the greatest challenges we as people may experience in our lives is that of being flexible -- of managing conflicts or frustrations in a reasonable and mature manner.  When a person at the grocery store line jumps in front of you or accidentally spills juice all over your shoes.  Or when the person waiting on your table at a restaurant forgets to put in your order.  Or maybe even the neighbor's dog barking in the middle of the night and keeping you up.  These are all moments when a bit of patience and flexibility can go a long way!

The Aspie Insiders met up last week to discuss this concept and what it means to us.  Here are some of the thoughts they had on the subject:

• One Insider mentioned the need to be flexible while he worked at Harris-Teeter.  He explained that in moments when he lost his cool, he was quick to apologize.
• Another member talked about how some people can "cross boundaries" in a given situation and make being flexible an extremely hard thing to do.
• It's important to keep in mind that there's a proper balance between being assertive and being flexible.  Being flexible doesn't mean that you're willing to be taken advantage of; rather, it means that a person can get along with others in times of stress.
• If you're stressed out or feel you can't be flexible, it's important to take steps to fix a situation before it starts.

As we talked about the importance of being flexible, one of our members mentioned the way the general population views Asperger's Syndrome.  It was mentioned that most people tend to treat those with Asperger's just as normal people.  This works most of the time, but in moments of stress (especially in either an educational or occupational setting) the Insiders wished other people would be more flexible with them.

The last thing we added to the discussion was a quick step-by-step list for asking for help.  It looked something like this:

1. Identify what you need
2. Identify who you should talk to to get what you need
3. Think about what you need to say to this person
4. Address the issue or challenge
5. Work together to produce solutions
6. Repeat if necessary

In today’s hectic, crowded world, following these steps and asking for help can significantly improve a person's life.  Help exists, but being able to know when and how to ask for it is a skill in itself.

IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, SHARE YOUR OWN STORY ABOUT HOW ASKING FOR HELP MADE YOUR LIFE A LOT EASIER.  WHAT TIPS DO YOU HAVE FOR THOSE WHO STRUGGLE WITH ASKING FOR HELP?

A Reaction To Newtown

Recently, one of our members at the iCan House wrote an interesting piece in response to some of the information coming out from the Sandy Hook tragedy. His article can be found here: Notes On Newtown: An Aspergers Insider.

Perhaps one of the greatest points made in the article is the danger of putting a label "on the label." Rather than doing the research required to determine what troubled the young man who did the horrible act at Sandy Hook, many news outlets were fine with reporting "he had autism." This does little to improve the lives of those on the spectrum, and in many cases serves to greater confuse the public.

To this day, when asked about autism and Asperger's syndrome, many people still recollect the character in the popular movie The Rain Man. The idea that all people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are autistic savants is nothing more than a stereotype. It's with this in mind that the word "awareness" holds great strength. Miles, the member who wrote the aforementioned article, is building awareness when he writes such an article. His voice is valued because it sheds light on what autism and Asperger's Syndrome truly is.

Being Assertive

“Assertiveness Defined”

Not all of us are extroverts.  In fact, as many as one third to one half of our population tends to be introverted instead.  Yet the world seems to favor extroversion.  That tendency to be bold and comfortable in the spotlight is generally associated with high productivity and a desire to succeed.  Along with this list of character traits for extroverts is the idea of being assertive.  Defined as “disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior," being assertive sounds a lot like being a leader.

The Aspie Insiders met last week over coffee to discuss this concept and how it applies to them.  We also shared examples about how assertion has helped us in our own lives and identified what it takes to be assertive. 

“What does assertiveness mean to you?”

The Insiders described assertiveness as having the ability to “get your point across.”  We also identified assertiveness as a strong attribute that leaders have.  However, it’s not limited to only those people with leader-like qualities.  Being assertive is an important part of being a human being and letting one’s voice be heard.  Whether working at a job that’s too stressful or being in a relationship that requires some work, assertion can help a person get their point across.  Essentially, the Insiders decided that by being assertive, one can help open up communication in a particularly tricky situation.

We shared examples of how being assertive helped us out in a delicate situation.  Here are some of those examples:

• After working at the same location for 2 years and not being promoted or getting a raise, one person made the decision to ask for more responsibility and learned how to do new tasks.  Within a year, that person got a raise and started to "move up the ladder" at work.
• By being assertive, another Insider was able to get his ideas across at work and school.  Whereas before he thought his ideas weren't that good, after being more vocal he realized that he had a lot to offer (his coworkers and classmates recognized this as well)
• Another person mentioned that he had to ask his teachers in college for a couple of extensions because of personal issues.  By being vocal and assertive, he managed to get his work completed and turned in without a problem.
• Everyone agreed that being assertive is important within serious relationships, where communication is key.
• When one of the Insiders started a new job, he made sure to tell his supervisor that he had Asperger's Syndrome.  He explained what it was and how it affected him.  When a situation came up later while he was on the job, the supervisor was more understanding because of this.
  
  

"When does it pay to be assertive?"

Our discussion led to a few different conclusions about when is a good time to be assertive.  First, it's a good idea to be speak up if your needs aren't being met.  This can be applied to many different situations, from school to basic relationships to the workplace.  If a person feels like they are being mistreated in a situation, they should identify who they need to speak to about the problem.  After that, the person needs to vocalize what they think the problem is as well as any possible solutions they have.  As we mentioned before, most of the point to this is simply opening up communication in order to voice an opinion, a need, or a thought.

We recognized that being assertive can help us to achieve more and succeed at the things we want to do.  At work, for instance, being assertive can help a person accomplish more and get along better with coworkers, supervisors, and others.  One doesn't have to be a natural-born leader to have great ideas.  With assertion, those ideas are not wasted.  Rather, they have a place to go and can actually be implemented.

Finally, being assertive takes on a new meaning within a serious relationship.  Whether you are dating or married or just getting to know someone new, opening up that line of honest communication is extremely important for having your needs met.  If, for example, a person feels that their significant other is spending too much time with their friends, just having that line of communication open and being able to use it can help solve the problem.