Let's play pretend....(Scroll down to read the story or jump to the end to read the Aspie Insider's tips on what to do when you meet someone with Asperger's Syndrome)
In a city just like yours, a man named Joe walks into a doctor's office. He has always felt a little different from everyone else, like he had slightly different thoughts and interpreted the worlds' emotions a little differently from those who "they" refer to as "Average Joes"... by that's just life he figured. We are all different and life is hard. That's what "they" keep saying after all. On this particular day though, Joe decided to talk with his doctor about the challenges that he seems to be having making friends and making people upset with his random and overtly blunt comments. This leads the doctor to suggest that what Joe might be experiencing could be a disorder called "Asperger Syndrome."
"WHAT?!" Joe says, "AM I GOING TO DIE FROM THIS DISEASE?"
The doctor, having been through this before chuckled a bit, which only further angered Joe as it felt like he was laughing at the new disease that he had caught.
"Where did I get this disease? What is going to happen to me? Are my organs going to slowly eat away at themselves? How long do I have to live?," Joe demanded.
The doctor, in his calm voice said to Joe, "Calm down, Joe. I would like to assure you that you are not dying from Asperger's Syndrome. Your innards are working just fine and you didn't contract this from not washing your hands after going to the bathroom, standing too close to a sick person, or from undercooked food. In fact, you have been living with Asperger's Syndrome your whole life without knowing it."
"Can my girlfriend catch it from me?" Joe worried aloud.
"Oh, no, no one can ever "catch" this from you," the doctor assured him. "You are not and never were contagious. You are not infected or diseased, don't worry."
"Ok. Well then WHAT is this ASPERGER'S SYNDROME thing? How can I get rid of it? Whatever it is I want it out of me," Joe demanded from the man that he had trusted with his medical health for the past six years.
"Alright, take a deep breath and I will explain," announced the doctor in his ever calm and monotone voice. "You see, Asperger's Syndrome is a neurological disorder, meaning that it affects your brain and the way that you think. It is currently classified as an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but what makes it different from people who have Autism is that people with Asperger's Syndrome don't have a problem developing language when they are young. They talk at the same time in their development as their peers."
"Huh," Joe muttered with a blank stare, "Are you trying to tell me that I am dumb or something?"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" the doctor exclaimed with more excitement than Joe had ever experienced from his health care professional. "If fact," he went on, "people with Asperger's Syndrome are actually quite intelligent... often scoring in the genuis category on their IQ tests!"
"OK! Now you are talking! So my 'disorder' is actually making me a genius," Joe said, starting to get a little more comfortable in his seat, perhaps even wearing a slight smirk to show his victory in catching a "genius disease," as he now decided to think about it.
But then, as he thought about it more, Joe realized that there must be a catch. "So then what is the problem? Why are you giving me a diagnosis? Last I checked doctors don't make it a habit of making diagnoses for things that are good. What's the catch?"
"Good point, Joe," the doctor said. "You ask good questions. Asperger's Syndrome is not all about being smart, in fact there are many people that have AS and have genius, average, or below average IQ's. AS does not affect your intelligence scores... but there are a lot of smart ones out there."
"What it does affect though is your ability to interpret the social world that is happening around you. People with Asperger's often report that they have a hard time making friends, understanding the emotions that others are feeling, and expressing their own emotions. They often get very interested in a few very specific topics, very specialized interests, such as your very special interest in microwaves."
"Is there something wrong with liking microwaves?" Joe worried.
"No, there is nothing wrong with being interested in microwaves. In fact, the world needs people to be interested in microwaves so that it can keep having better and better microwaves produced. The thing about having microwaves as a hobby though is that there are not a lot of people who like to talk about microwaves. So, when you get to talking about microwaves for long periods of time, a lot of people don't want to listen because they are not as interested in them as you are."
"What do you mean? Microwaves are fascinating!" Joe exclaimed!
"I know that YOU think so Joe, and I am OK with YOU liking microwaves, but I am not all that interested in them. I am more interested in gardening and cooking."
"Well, that's dumb stuff." Joe said bluntly.
"It's OK for you to think that Joe, but I would appreciate if you kept your opinions about my hobbies to yourself and did not announce them out loud. It actually offends me when you state your negative opinions about things that I like. Actually, a lot of people with Asperger's struggle with this. I call this 'challenge with filtering your thoughts' and it requires that you stop and think about how the other person will feel when you state your thoughts."
"Oh," Joe said blankly.
The doctor knew that Joe was going to need to think about this new information for quite some time before it would make a lot of sense to him. "Joe," he said, "Asperger's is not necessarily a negative thing unless you make it a negative thing. Yes, there will be some things that will be a challenge for you, but all people will have challenges, regardless of if they have Asperger's or not. What you need to do is figure out what you are good and try to make a way for yourself in this like by utilizing your very special skills. There are many people who have Autism or Asperger's and have been very successful!"
"Ya, like who?" Joe asked, not thinking to offer an apology.
"Well, go home and do some searching on the internet. You will find that there are famous people both alive and dead that have or are suspected to have had AS... but those who are dead did not have the luxury of knowing about this diagnosis because it was only discovered in 1944 by Dr. Hans Asperger... hence the name."
The doctor went on, " Check on the names of famous people like:
- Dr. Temple Grandin...
who has made a name for herself as an autism advocate and a PhD in animal science, who just had a movie made about her life!
- Clay Marzo...who has Asperger's, but also makes a lot of money off of his specialized interest: surfing. He is considered one of the best surfers in the world.
- Albert Einstein...
whose name is synonymous with "smart" and almost everyone knows who he is because of his genius work in physics. However, Einstein was totally eccentric in his social skills, despite his genius IQ... leading many to believe that he could have had Asperger's Syndrome.
"Well Joe, that's the thing... there is no cure," the doctor admitted.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" Joe demanded.
"To be honest with you, you will have Asperger's for the rest of your life. You are a smart man and you can overcome many of the things that are a challenge to you as a result of it, but you are going to need to be open to learning about it and learning how to advocate on behalf of yourself so that you can be successful," said the doctor hopefully.
"Eh... sounds hard," muttered Joe.
"Yep. Welcome to the real world, where there is unfortunately nothing good worth doing that isn't hard. It is possible though. Go out and learn more about it, then come back and talk to me more about what you have learned," said the doctor.
"Uh, OK I guess," said Joe in a confused voice. "Are you sure that you can't give me a pill or something?"
"Yes Joe. Share this insight with the people that you are closest with and ask them to learn about it with you. You are going to have to teach others about AS as well. There are a lot of people who have never heard of such a thing, but you can be their teacher."
"Ok," Joe said and walked out of the room without a goodbye or good day.
Back outside in the world, riding the bus home, Joe thought. And thought. And thought. "What am I supposed to do now?" he wondered over and over again! So, he did what he would normally do when he had a thought that he needed an answer for, he announced it. Sitting right there on the bus he turned to the person next to him and said, "I just found out that I have Asperger's Syndrome."
The person next to him looked at him with a mixture of confusion and disgust, then quickly got up and moved as far away from him as possible, sending an obvious statement to Joe. Joe then yelled back to the man at the back of the bus, "It's not contagious, I am not infected you know!"
No reply from the man.
Then Joe went back to his thoughts. What had he done wrong? He just told him what the doctor had said...
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WHEN YOU LEARN THAT SOMEONE HAS ASPERGER'S SYNDROME?
This story might not be one that any of the Insider's have experienced exactly as it was written, but most have been given an evil eye or a questioning glance in response to finding out about their diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. When asked about how they would like others to respond upon learning about the label, most of the Insider's had thoughts along the following lines:
- Ask questions about what it is... learn before you judge
- Accept us for who we are... we are trying our hardest
- Offer us explanations for things when we don't understand something... don't just assume that we will "pick it up" from your non-verbal signals
- Don't talk to us like we are dumb or cannot understand English... we are NOT
We could go on and on... because there is a lot to know about Asperger's Syndrome and the people that embody it. They can be great people, so we will continue writing about it!
Check back with us again soon!
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