&@*% This is Complicated!

From the Aspie Insiders, a group of intelligent young adults with Asperger’s Syndrome who have a lot on their mind and a penchant for making a difference!

Contributed By: Jay Asbury, Miles Bumgardner, Chris Koewing, Nate Anderson, and Kohl Hoffman

Edited by: Allison Lindborg

To **beep** or not to **beep**… that seems to be the question.

In our very language based world, swearing is a pastime that has taken centuries to evolve into its current state and there seems to be no stopping it as these words are popping up on T-shirts and posters all over our world, slurring the words that our forefathers left behind for us. When we learn of this cacophony of four-letter words as a child, the immediate temptation is generally to give these forbidden expletives a test run… which can result in a multitude of responses. Perhaps you will end up with a bar of soap in your mouth or detention after school, but if all goes according to plan, your greenhorn profanity will earn you the nod of approval from peers competing to stay above water in the dog-eat-dog social world.

Just like everything else in the middle school era, learning the do’s and don’t for appropriately peppering your speech with profanity is awkward and does not come without its fair number of major mistakes. For the person with Asperger’s Syndrome though, trying to make sense of this new rebellious vocabulary in the air can be a confusing, frustrating, and socially damaging experience.

With a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, a disorder with its roots entrenched in the autism spectrum, one tends to use language in an extremely literal way, following the rules that were taught and calling out those who deviate along the way for their faux pax, (which is not a good friend-making strategy). By the time that the Aspie gets to middle school, the rules are clear as far as their parents are telling them: swearing is bad. But their peers all seem to think differently and even manage to pull it off their peppered speech without too many consequences. So how does the Aspie deal with this conundrum?

The Aspie Insiders have wieghed in on their experiences growing up with the trials and errors of expletive speech and would like to help the rest of the world understand their view on this taboo topic.
  


In the Beginning
Ignorance is bliss, and for many in the period before adolescence, not having certain four-lettered words in their vocabulary is a means of staying out of trouble... but it seems that this period of just not noticing the worrisome words around them lasts a bit longer for the Aspie population, (according to our Insiders) than the neuro-typical adolescent.

However, the bliss of not knowing doesn't last forever and choosing the appropriate time and place to place that swear word that you realize is now seen as "cool" amongst your peers is a fumbling experience in which the Aspie may not have had the same level of practice or awareness of it's use. This often results in a misfire with their attempt at something that was meant to be slick, resulting in more that one of the Aspie Insiders having spent time in the dog house with authority and laughed at by their peers for fumbling the delivery of their lingual spew or misunderstanding the words used by another.

As the Insiders mused about their childhood mistakes, one admitted to picking up swearing by age 6, much to the rest of the world's dismay. He tended to repeat every word that his rock and roll father used, totally unaware of the social ramifications and forgetting that his straight-laced grandmother was not the right person to use these words with... followed by learning what soap tasted like. All of the Insiders agreed that figuring out the right time and place for these words was a tough task and is still occasionally challenging as an adult.

Give your maturing child some information to work with. Kids around them are going to start experimenting with their language and sheltering your child from it may not help them in the end. Talk logically, frankly, and concretely about the do's and don'ts. Perhaps make a list of acceptable words and unacceptable words for certain situations and ask that your child asks you what new slang words mean before they try to use it.



Multiple Meanings
One of the hardest things to grasp about swearing is that one word can mean a multitude of things. For instance, depending on their context, (a tough concept for the Aspie to think though quickly and in the moment), many of the "four-letter words" can each denote:

1. Happiness/Excitement
2. Fear
3. Pain 
4. Surprise/Shock
5. Dislike
6. Insults
   

A story was shared with us recently about a young man in his first year of middle school who was told by a classmate to "go f*** himself." You likely read this line and think, WOW! that kid is a bully and needs to be punished. But, not understanding that these words can have multiple meanings, the boy looked back blankly at the bully and said, "What do you mean? I'm not anywhere near you, let alone on top of you." Guess that's one way to stun a bully, but clearly indicates that this young man had only learned one definition for the expletive as he did not know that the "F" word could denote anything other than sexual intercourse.

It can also be very confusing to the Aspie to understand that everytime someone uses a swear word in their presense, it does not neccessarily mean that that person is trying to insult them. In fact, a peer might use a swear word to show that they think that you are cool, which might make little sense to the Aspie!

For instance, examine the examples below showing multiple meanings of the same explitive:

1. "S***! That's an awesome car you've got"
   The speaker is actually showing favor of the car that the other possesses and saying that it is cool... although it's not a very eloquent way of saying it.
   
   
2. "S***! What is WRONG with you?"
   The speaker is using the swear word to cut the other person down and is insulting them.
   
3. "S***! You scared me!"
   The speaker is using the swear word to denote their surprise. They are not mad at the person that scared them, (most likely), just impulsively used the swear word like one might use "OH MY!"

Help the Aspie to understand that just because someone uses a cuss word around them, it does not always mean that the person is trying to be mean. In fact, the one can lose the respect of  peers quickly, (especially in a middle/high school setting) by telling on their peers each time they use a swear word. You may need to clearly define the times that they should report the use of this language vs. the times that they will need to let it go and ignore their peers cuss words.

Body Language Confusion

If the multiple meanings of words aren’t enough to get the head spinning for the average Aspie, let's consider the dangers of traveling + body language... as it could spell disaster.

It's generally not too tough to figure out what a gesture means in America. After all, it's rather concrete and visual, but take that same gesture across the globe and you are in for a roller coaster of responses.

In Turkey, if you were to give someone the “OK” symbol that we frequent in the USA, they would feel justified in pumling you, as the “OK” in Turky is not OK… its synonymous with the some sort of homosexual slur. Apparently our symbol for affirmation is actually one the Turks find convenient for displaying dismay.... noted for your next trip to Istanbul.

To make matters worse, the Greeks have a hard time deeming any kind of outward palm gesturing as anything but bad. In fact, any American traffic signalers favorite gesture, the one hand, palm out pointed straight at you so as to bring you to a halt is one that would send any Greek’s blood pressure to record levels. It seems that this natural symbol for Americans is one that the Greeks don't gather the message "stop there" but rather, "eat s***!" Whoa! Who knew it was so bad!

Body language is hard enough for the Aspie to understand, but it would be advised that when traveling, one should spend some quality time researching the local social customs, as they differ greatly from place to place. "All I have to do is wave my hands in a certain way and all of the sudden I am insulting you, totally without my knowledge!"
Learn more at: http://fastenseatbelts.eu/